Tuesday 3rd January - The Canteen

Struggling to think what to write today. Today I was back at work and it was almost identical to the last time I went to work. I did exactly the same things, it lasted exactly the same amount of time. It was busy, but the whole point of me being there in the first place is because it is busy. If it wasn't busy then they would ask me not to come in. 

The only thing that was slightly different was that I was wearing a shirt which was a slightly different shade of grey. Oh, and I went to my first break about five minutes later than I usually do.

The canteen at this place is like a dungeon. Down several flights of stairs and located at the back of the building, it is dark and airless. there are no lights, and the heat from the hot counter is enough to make a snake sweat. There is a TV down there, which is often just left on channel Dave, pumping out constant re-runs of Top Gear like an endless dose of the runs. It is like a gruesome hairy puss-spot, growing on the rim of the gaping anus that is humanity. Like an Embassy of Hell. But they do serve free cups of tea.

During my lunch break I went down there and got a prime seat in front of the telly. I'd bought one of those cold pots of pasta from the supermarket on the way to work, but it was missing a fork. I asked the fat bloke behind the food counter if I could have a plastic fork from the canteen. He pondered for a moment before giving one up and handing it to me. But not without also giving me such a disgusted look when I took it that he must, when I said "Excuse me, can I have a plastic fork to eat my lunch with, please?", have thought I'd said, "Excuse me can I have a plastic fork to stick up my bottom while I have a big wank and then eat my lunch with it, please?" It was a simple plea and simple courtesy would have been nice. Of course if he did think I'd said that then it makes him a total pervert, because he did indeed give me the fork. So I win.

I enjoyed my lunch too. I win twice.