A Few Notes On Last Night's Show

Last night's gig could have gone better I think. There were very few people in the audience, which left the atmosphere a little thin, and it is sometimes very hard to really get into an original set of music in front of a small crowd. There were a few mistakes also, really nothing too serious, but it seemed to leave the band on a bit of a downer - except for our amazingly enthusiastic keyboard player, who sometimes you get the impression nothing could really get him down. I almost wish sometimes a little more of his indomitable character could rub off on to the rest of us just a little. 


To songwriters - and I really think this is a factor towards it - like myself, the singer and bass player, a bad performance or even a poorly received performance can sometimes take a lot out of us. When you are pouring your heart out and it seems like no-one is really hearing you, or you are not expressing yourself in exactly the way that you want to, it can be a real numbing experience. 


I think anyone who writes songs, or does anything like that that really comes from the soul, can be very open to the slightest disappointments. I really believe that to be able to write an honest song, a song with feeling and emotion, you have to be able to open yourself up for all to see - and opening yourself up in that way means that, as well as something truly profound and beautiful being able to find its way out of you, you can also be quite susceptible to emotions and feelings finding their way in. And this isn't just for songwriters. I think all musicians, as well as comedians, writers, or anybody who is able to share something very personal with others has this burden. 


But it can also be a gift. For every bad emotion that is, I suppose, amplified, there is always a good emotion that is amplified too. For a musician, bad gigs are really bad, but then you will eventually get a good gig that is truly amazing, and it is difficult to express the feeling you get when you come off stage buzzing from a good performance and a similarly acknowledging crowd. 


I wouldn't describe the show we played last night as either particularly good or bad in hindsight - even considering a little disagreement a couple of the guys in the band had today as a result, but it put me in mind to consider how affected we can be by things which, essentially, are out of our control, and as to how very small and insignificant things can change our moods for hours on end. 


In our case, we were treated very well by the venue, fed and watered royally, all our friends and fans that made it enjoyed our company and performance. And that at this level that is, really, the important thing - no matter how totally great and amazing we really are. And we really are totally great and amazing.


Another important characteristic of musicians and performers is Narcissism.