Depression

Was very sad to hear about the death of Gary Speed, the former footballer, who seemed to have committed suicide overnight. He was only 42 and enjoying a successful career off the pitch following his retirement from playing. It just shows quite how devastating depression can sometimes be. 


I have personally suffered from depression, as do many - if to varying levels or severity - and perhaps even maintain an aspect of it as being merely part of me as a person. But there have been times when I have suffered from it particularly badly, and to someone who has never had or dealt with this destructive illness, it is very difficult to describe how it feels. People will say to you 'just cheer up' or 'it isn't that bad' or something, thinking you are just a bit down in the dumps, when it is really a severe chemical imbalance in the brain that can be totally impervious to anything that is said or done.


You can be in the best place in the world and still feel sad, or in a room full of people and still feel lonely, or receive the greatest love you have ever felt and still feel unloved. And you know these things and don't understand how or why you feel this terrible, confused way. You can sometimes see no end, and sometimes no reason to try and reach the end. Nothing matters, and yet you can be so sensitive that everything matters. Anxiety, paranoia and mood swings are all symptoms, and it can make you very difficult to spend time with, let alone live with.


I am perhaps being slightly dramatic in language, but it all seems to be the nature of the beast. Gary Speed is a good example of how the disease can creep up unexpectedly, and for those around, unidentifiably. I hope his untimely death can, if anything, raise awareness for the condition, and help people to seek treatment for it when needed. Because there is help and a way around it out there.