Watching Roger Moore copulate his way around the world in 'Moonraker' this afternoon - and he had literally slept with four women by about a third of the way through the film - made me wonder how often James Bond goes to get himself checked out at the STD clinic. I certainly hope he does. As he travels the globe, toppling corrupt regimes and master criminals in the name of the British Empire, he could be squirting gallons of chlamydia into these doe-eyed admin girls he seems to meet all the time.
I can't imagine he ever decides to 'rubber-up', and certainly not of his own accord, as all of his sex seems to happen in a perfect, romantic, flowing Hollywood kind of way - as the string section in the orchestra starts playing passionately and he and his lover just drop out of shot and onto the silk-laden sheets of the bed. You never see him him fumbling drunkenly with a condom wrapper, and rolling it as quick as he can onto his attentive loaded weapon. He probably encourages them to just go along with it, reassuring them that the disease is largely symptomless, and then does some kind of shit pun.
And he cares not.
Having slept with her dream man, she will likely awaken to find he has left the house, probably stolen some important documents, be rendered pregnant with one of Bond's many illegitimate spawn, probably get killed by a some kind of comic-book villain - with metal teeth, or one arm, or a very sharp bowler hat - by the end of the film, and to top it all off she will be infected with some rampant sexual disease.
I just hope he was worth it.
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